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Fire These People. All Of Them.

A 17-year-old pwned an entire school district in Long Island. Maverick Stowe decided he wanted to go to school every day, despite (and in defiance of) the district’s policy dictating which days were distance learning and which days were in-person. So when he continued to show up, and gained a media following, they had him arrested. Such courage and maturity is seldom observed outside of combat decoration recommendations, n’est ce pas?

Read William Floyd School District’s finely crafted statement regarding the “Battle of Mastic, NY.” (The hamlet was originally named Forge, as in Valley Forge, so it can claim connection with the famous General in honor of whom the District of Columbia is named in more than the possibility that Washington’s horse likely slept there. In fact, William Floyd was a signer of the Declaration of Independence, and a slave-owner. Not that it matters.)

I’ll summarize the key paragraphs of the district’s Pulitzer-winning prose, highlighting the genius of the school district administration’s Solomon-like wisdom, lest the reader miss it or mistake it for the acts of lunatics.

Mr. Stow continues to display irresponsible and selfish behavior with today’s latest publicity stunt. He arrived wearing a neon green shirt – for high visibility – with a contingent of media just outside the fence line trying to capture him getting arrested as he entered the building. He entered the building and was immediately arrested by the Suffolk County Police Department without incident and transported to the police station. As a result, if Mr. Stow continues to try to access school grounds each day that we are open, we will close the high school – and its approximately 3,000 students – to all in-person learning and it will be all virtual for the foreseeable future.

We are still in the midst of a pandemic and will abide by the regulations set in place by our government and health officials designed to keep our students and staff safe. As we have said, Mr. Stow’s rights as a student do not surpass the rights of any of our other 8,799 students; they should not have to come to school to witness this circus atmosphere each day. Most of our in-person classes at the high school are at maximum capacity according to the square footage of each classroom. It is just not possible to have all of our students back under the current social distancing regulations. We will not condone or allow students to flagrantly break the law in our schools.

I’m in awe. Truly.

The William Floyd School District is run by seven elected members of the board of education; all, I’m sure, are pillars of the community. One runs cemeteries. Another, Bob Taiani, talked a woman out of jumping from the George Washington Bridge: a Hero. (Of course, as Taiani is a Port Authority officer whose job consists of things like talking suicidal people out of killing themselves, he does this kind of thing often.)

(As a side note, the school board and superintendent are all white. The median family income in Mastic, NY, just west of The Hamptons, a.k.a. Pandemic Manhattan, is $79,979. Average families, lots of kids. A great place, if you don’t mind 90-minute train rides to and from work in the City.)

The superintendent, Kevin Coster (one “n” away from fame!) has pictures of his nice family behind him in his official office photo.

They all seem like nice people.

It’s a shame they all need to be fired. Every single one of them.

Any school district that is incapable of stopping a 17-year-old from disrupting education to the point of closing the entire high school, when that student isn’t threatening to harm anyone, blow up the school, push drugs, or even throw a big party with a bonfire on the football field, should be fired as hopelessly incompetent. All this kid wanted to do is come to school, and he wore a mask.

Any sane, competent group of adults with a clear concept of authority and a grasp of problem-solving ability beyond Karenhood would tell young Mr. Stowe that he’s perfectly welcome to come to school on any day he wishes, as long as he does it respectfully, and attends the classes he’s enrolled in, in the rooms where those classes are held. Then they’d work the issue.

Are there any students who would trade with Stowe and take 100% of their classes remotely? Can we put Stowe in another room somewhere for a certain class? Is Stowe leading some massive revolution among suburban New York high schoolers who want to come to school? Is the administration insane? What do they have against Mr. Maverick Stowe? (I must say Stowe has a name straight out of a Melville story: Ginger Nut, Amasa Delano, Nippers, Bulkington, and Maverick Stowe.)

The entire circus here isn’t the creation of Mr. Stowe, it’s the creation of the William Floyd School District, which has proved itself incapable of the most menial and banal administration of school discipline and good order. That they relied on the police department to arrest a student for trespassing because he wanted to attend class in person has got to be the biggest failure of imagination in the history of education.

Maverick Stowe is a troublemaker–he is like the snot-nosed John Winger in Stripes. That makes the William Floyd School District Capt. Stillman. He should have been dealt with like any minor troublemaker. Do it in person, with some class, and some humor. But the Complaint of Karens who run the school district named after a slaveholder who signed the Declaration of Independence went full Golfcart Gail on Stowe.

Stowe got the 5 minutes of celebrity he was after (I know, Worhol said “15 minutes of fame,” but inflation, the Internet, and ADD, you know), because the school district gave it to him. I know they’re all nice people, who have deep roots in the little Long Island community where they live, their kids play football, and in general, life is not as fast as, say, Brooklyn. They’re boobs, all of them.

Fire them all.


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