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LOL: John “F-ing Deluding Myself” Kerry Muses on Saving Party From Sanders

This is like hearing gasoline say "I'll pour myself on this dumpster fire to extinguish it."

John Kerry was overheard musing that he might want to enter the presidential race to counter “the possibility of Bernie Sanders taking down the Democratic Party — down whole.”


John Kerry could not beat George W. Bush in 2004 when Bush’s approval rating was on a steady decline and dipping below 50 percent, in the midst of two wars, with the Dow hitting its lowest point in two years. John Kerry lost to Bush by 3 million votes, while still carrying California and New York. John Kerry won only 19 states. John Kerry could not beat his way out of a paper bag, with each hand holding a knife.

This is like hearing gasoline say “I’ll pour myself on this dumpster fire to extinguish it.”

Here’s what Jonah Goldberg, displaying characteristic kindness and mercy, wrote in 2007 about Kerry running again, ever.

In November, Kerry came in dead last in a Quinnipiac poll asking respondents whether they had warm feelings for various prominent politicians. Kerry came in around “arctic.” The National Journal asked its brain trust of political insiders (consultants, graybeards, et. al.) to list their top 10 Democratic prospects for ’08. Kerry came in behind Sen. Chris Dodd – and Dodd came in 10th. All Kerry got was footnote status as an also-ran.

Kerry perennially entertained fantasies about running for president since his 2004 trouncing; again and again he had to be carefully talked down from the ledge, lest he plunge in to the deep, never to be seen again.

This latest bout of musing on political suicide ended quickly, like coming down from a bad mushroom trip. Finally, the “human toothache” came to his senses.

Sitting in the lobby restaurant of the Renaissance Savery hotel, Kerry was overheard by an NBC News analyst saying “maybe I’m f—ing deluding myself here” and explaining that to run, he’d have to step down from the board of Bank of America and give up his ability to make paid speeches. Kerry said donors like venture capitalist Doug Hickey would have to “raise a couple of million,” adding that such donors “now have the reality of Bernie.”

Kerry tweeted about it later, “any report otherwise is f—ing (or categorically) false.” Then, apparently, his minders in clean white coats got hold of his phone, deleted the profane tweet and tweeted a clean version.

The episodes have slowed a bit in the last ten years. A few hours of The Three Stooges (“Moe, Larry, the cheese!”) seems to bring him out of his fugue these days, so the rumors say.

No. We will not have John Kerry to kick around in 2020. Democrats all over America are heaving sighs of relief, and Republicans are putting away their earplugs.


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