I firmly believe Americans don’t eat enough pie.
Americans consume a lot of dessert, but not much of it is the crust-and-filling conglomeration that is your average pie. Ice cream, candy, cake, sure. But mostly not pie. Yes, there’s that old saying: “as American as apple pie.” But apple pie isn’t all that American either.
There is one day, though, where families and friends come together and feast, ending their magnificent meal with one of several pies: the old standby pumpkin, the sugary pecan, the classic aforementioned apple, and even (apparently) key lime. Who knew.
Well, we’ve reached the end of our regular-season repast this year. Rivalry Week is upon us, and whether your team is stuffed from consuming all those wins or still starving, everyone wants dessert. Who gets a slice? Who goes hungry?
Below are the best games of the weekend! I’ve organized them by time and listed the channel so you always know what to watch. If you follow me on Twitter, I’ll live tweet as many games as I can. Then on Sunday, the Playoff Eliminator tells you who’s in contention for college football’s biggest prize. THEN on Tuesday, prior to those other football rankings, my Tier Rankings will lay each Power 5 conference out in an easy-to-understand graphic.
If your team’s playing, on the Big Screen they go. And all times below are in God’s Time Zone (CST). Let’s kick things off early on…
Sleep in after the holiday, then take in Virginia Tech vs. Virginia (11a, ABC). This rivalry game, which usually features close contests marked by eventual excruciating pain for the Cavaliers, has an added bonus: the winner gets to be sacrificed to Clemson next week in the ACC Championship! Yay! Then another consequential game, this time in the American: Cincinnati vs. Memphis (2:30p, ABC). Again, highly likely that the winner gets a championship shot. Both teams are in the running for the coveted Group of 5 New Year’s Six bowl game slot too. Stakes aplenty!
Big Screen: Ohio State vs. Michigan (11a, FOX) is the absolute no-brainer pick here. Ohio State has looked indomitable all year. But I’m sure Jim Harbaugh will press any advantage he can to end the Wolverines’ regular season off with a bang. And to think I thought in September that he’d be fired. Silly me.
Second Screen: Do you enjoy carnage? Wanton destruction, if you will? I present to you Clemson vs. South Carolina (11a, ESPN). Do not be fooled by the fact that South Carolina somehow beat Georgia. They are not good. Expect the Tigers to play with their food before devouring the Gamecocks whole.
Big Screen: Alabama vs. Auburn (2:30p, CBS) has real intrigue beyond its usual white-hot rivalry status. Alabama must win to have a shot at the Playoff. Auburn would like nothing more than to spoil that shot. Bo Nix is streaky, but the Tiger D is dominant across the board. They are by far the toughest challenge Bama backup Mac Jones has yet faced.
Second Screen: Wisconsin vs. Minnesota (2:30p, ABC) will almost certainly come down to whether Minnesota can contain Jonathan Taylor, Wisconsin’s bruiser of a running back. Because Wisconsin will bottle up Minnesota with their burly D. If you’re betting, take the under. This will likely be a low scoring affair.
Watch the Score: Tulane vs. SMU (3p, ESPNU)
Big Screen: BEDLAM!!!!!!!!!! I always get irrationally excited for Oklahoma vs. Oklahoma State (7p, FOX) because it seems to follow the common maxim about rivalries to a T: you have to throw the records out. Chuba Hubbard, I expect, will have a field day against the Sooner D. And Oklahoma had better not be caught looking ahead to their championship tilt against Baylor.
Second Screen: LSU vs. Texas A&M (6p, ESPN), the sequel to last year’s 7OT epic, will probably be less fun than that glorious game. The Aggies will try to catch LSU napping prior to their SEC Championship slapfight with relentlessly boring Georgia. I don’t give them much of a chance, because to do that they would need a consistent offense and, um, I have some bad news.
Watch the Score: Iowa State vs. Kansas State (6p, FS1), Florida State vs. Florida (6:30p, SECN)
There we go! Feel free to gimme a follow, and happy watching (and Thanksgiving)!