No spoilers intended…
As of the writing of this article, I have not yet watched
Avengers: Endgame. I expect to see it
soon, but before that, I wanted to ask you all to take a moment and consider the
forgotten victims that will be left in the wake of Endgame as the Avengers
struggle to bring back their friends.
Sure, you think of Spiderman, Dr. Strange, and the rest who you can’t quite remember at the moment, who died in Thanos’ snap, and you want to see them return to the big screen. And you don’t need to see the movie to know that Marvel is not likely to leave Spiderman et al in the grave, so presumably, the Avengers will turn the tables on the big baddie, Thanos, to restore their friends. But at what cost? What collateral damage will they leave behind?
What about the other victims in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) who you never stopped to consider, because you are a heartless, cold-blooded, starry-eyed monster who only worries about the heroes onscreen? What about all the victims and destruction that will be left behind when Endgame’s credits roll? What about those innocent people, who will be worse off if Thanos loses?
Gary is just a regular guy living in the MCU. Gary gets no screen time. Gary gets no attention. No one loves poor Gary.
Gary lives in a tiny condo in a suburban cul-de-sac… catches the train into the city for work every morning when the tracks aren’t under repair due to intergalactic supervillain damage… drives a 20 year old sedan… lives alone after his wife left him for the gardener… pays child support even though he’s never allowed to see his children… never got his own movie… and has NO superpowers. In fact, the closest that poor Gary ever came to superpowers was the time Whiplash sliced his car in half in Iron Man 2. Not even one of the good MCU movies! (By the way, insurance didn’t cover “superhero-related damage”.)
Gary always led a mundane existence, dragging his way through life. Every day was miserable, always being pushed around. The condo maintenance blew lawn clippings all over his freshly washed car. There was always that one guy on the train every morning playing the audio on his phone full blast while Gary tried to read the newspaper. The boss’ nephew in the cubicle next to him always refused to work on his part of the project, forcing Gary to pick up the slack. The noisy neighbors held late night parties keeping him up all night. Gary’s cheating ex-wife and her lawyers were always demanding more child support, as if they could squeeze blood from a rock.
In short, life was a nightmarish grind, leaving Gary to pray nightly for the sweet release of death.
But everything changed after Thanos snapped his fingers!
That’s when things really started looking up for Gary. All those people… GONE! His prayers had been answered.
No more lawn clippings on his car… a quiet ride to work in the morning… the boss’ nephew was dead and someone talented was hired in his place, so company profits and Gary’s salary were way up… the loud neighbors were a pile of ash… no more supervillains destroying his car… and his ex-wife, her lawyers, and the corrupt family court judge were all zapped out of existence. So, Gary was re-united to his children again!
Truly an Infinity War miracle!
Gary even started dating again.
So what will happen when the Avengers kill Thanos and “put
everything right” again?
You can guess.
So while those credits roll and you’re mourning whichever superheroes didn’t survive Endgame, remember that Gary is probably already swinging from the rafters in his attic, waiting for the condo management to find his corpse.
But Spiderman will probably be back. I hope you’re happy!