I typically tell parents not to, under any circumstances, allow their 3-year-olds to have unmonitored access to their iPads. The kid could inadvertently pull up an Auburn Tigers website. He could access that Florida Georgia Line album you downloaded for no good reason. Or he could lock you out of the device for nearly 50 years. That’s what happened to a New York man over the weekend and it’s the reason why I’m rethinking my philosophy on kids and iPads.
Evan Osnos is a staff writer at the New Yorker. A few days ago, his 3-year-od repeatedly tried to unlock his iPad. That’s when a message from Apple informed the family that the device would now be locked for the next 48 years. 25,536,432 minutes to be exact.
This isn’t as bad as it looks. There are a lot of things an iPadless person can do over the next 46 years.
- Spend more time with your family.
- See the new Avenger’s movie twice.
- Stand in the deli line at my local grocery store that shall remain unnamed, waiting for them to ask what you want so they can tell you that they don’t have it or, my favorite, give you something completely different. They should get to you by the end of the 46th year but it’ll be close. And hey, if you’re still waiting in line by then, at least you’ll have your iPad back.
- Wait for the Florida Gators football team to be relevant again.
See, it’s not all bad for the Osnos family. In fact, I would like to formally present a motion that Evan Osnos’ 3-year-old son be left alone for 5 minutes with every phone and tablet in the world. Locked out of our devices, we won’t know what to be outraged about and we’ll actually have to talk to one another instead of just at or about one another. This Osnos kid might just be the hero the world has been waiting for.
Giving him access to every phone on the planet is risky. The Florida Georgia Line music could do him in. But I think this is a risk worth taking. Just think of the benefits. No more texting and driving. No more phones in movie theaters. No more breaking news alerts informing you of what one of the Kardashians had for lunch.
Young Mr. Osnos, a troubled world turns its eyes to you.
We’re all counting on you.
Please, take our devices and do what you do.