Donate search
close

Share

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • send Email
  • print Print

Taco Bell Saves Lives

Taco Bell has a certain reputation. Saving lives hasn’t usually been a part of that reputation. But that all changed last Friday.

Jeremy Taylor got stranded in snowy central Oregon for five days last week. He’s doing just fine now and there’s one reason why.

Taco Bell hot sauce packets.

Being stranded is bad. Being stranded in the snow for five days is even worse. Having to live off of packets of Taco Bell hot sauce takes you to the depths of human suffering. When people find out that I’m a pastor, one of the first questions I get is, “How could a loving God allow there to still be packets of Taco Bell hot sauce?” Jeremy Taylor knows the answer to that question.

I haven’t eaten at Taco Bell in well over a decade but I guarantee you that if you looked in my refrigerator or underneath my couch, you’d find a packet of Taco Bell hot sauce. Scientists tell us that in 4 out of every 5 homes there are more packets of Taco Bell hot sauce, or its cousin, the broken Dorito, than there are books. Side note: The Broken Dorito would be a really cool name of a restaurant for hipsters where you can buy organic tacos for $25. Anyway, expect to see a Bear Grylls special on your TV soon where he shows us how to survive in the jungle with nothing but a knife, a dead rabbit, duct tape, and Taco Bell hot sauce.

If I’m ever stranded, I’ll be in big trouble seeing as how I don’t eat at America’s favorite Mexican restaurant and therefore miss out on the pleasure of throwing the extra 15 packets of sauce in my glove compartment. The best I can hope for is living off of a receipt from Ingle’s. You’ve probably never heard of Ingle’s. It’s a grocery store that’s often found in smaller southern towns. Somewhere in the Constitution there is an amendment requiring all Ingle’s to be built near a Dollar General and a Masonic Lodge. Anyway, if you go in to Ingle’s for a gallon of milk, you’ll walk out with a gallon of milk and a receipt longer than your leg. Seriously, a family of four could easily live off of an Ingle’s receipt for days. And it’s paper which makes it organic or vegan or whatever.

But it shouldn’t have to come to that. Here are a few tips to help you avoid dehumanizing yourself and eating receipts or Taco Bell sauce while stranded.

1.) Don’t live in Oregon.

I meant it. It’s cold up there.

2.) When it snows, stay inside.

Southerners are always made fun of for overreacting when it snows but when was the last time you saw us get stranded in bad wintry weather. Wait. Never mind. Don’t answer that question.

3.) Get a little more.

The next time you’re craving something from your favorite fast food restaurant, go right before they close and ask them to kindly throw in an extra burger/taco/fish sandwich/corndog. They’re going to throw it away anyway. But when you get it, don’t eat it. Put it under your seat and save it for the next time you get stranded. Maybe that won’t be for another few years. No problem. Your burger/taco/fish sandwich/corndog will still look and taste exactly like it did the day you ordered it.

There’s a lot you can say about Taco Bell but Jeremy Taylor said it all on social media after he was recused from that snowy, Oregon road.

“Taco Bell saves lives.”

So the next time you want to go south of the border or live mas or think outside the bun or whatever it is one does at Taco Bell, don’t get so down on yourself. That packet you’re about to lose under your seat just might save your life someday.

Share

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • send Email
  • print Print

Advertisement

More Top Stories

Who Cares About Buttigieg the Hufflepuff?

When you’re one of approximately a thousand Democrats running for president in 2020, I suppose you need to do something to separate yourself from the rest of the crowd. That’s what the hus …

How Do We Make College More Affordable?

For weeks, I’ve been writing about the problems with college and the way it’s financed. That was easy. Finding solutions is the hard part. First of all, let’s stipulate that there ar …

Beto Outraises Bernie Despite Rocky Start

Beto’s rock star image is reminiscent of Barack Obama, but can he overcome missteps?