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Green Fakers

Alex wants a green revolution. Nancy says she’s dreaming. Is Capitol Hill big enough for the both of them?

Freshman representative Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (D – Never Never Land) has unveiled the basic framework of what she and her co-sponsor Ed Markey (D – Mordor) have dubbed the Green New Deal, their effort to repackage a lot of old socialist ideas into something that looks all modern and shiny. But much as saying “fetch” over and over again is never going to make it happen, so goes the fantasy of making the economy so green it would make Kermit the Frog jealous.

Think I’m exaggerating? Try these points for the plan on for size. In the space of a decade, the Green New Deal proposes:

  • “upgrading all existing buildings” in the country for energy efficiency;
  • working with farmers “to eliminate pollution and greenhouse gas emissions… as much as is technologically feasible” (while supporting family farms and promoting “universal access to healthy food”);
  • “Overhauling transportation systems” to reduce emissions — including expanding electric car manufacturing, building “charging stations everywhere,” and expanding high-speed rail to “a scale where air travel stops becoming necessary”;
  • A guaranteed job “with a family-sustaining wage, adequate family and medical leave, paid vacations and retirement security” for every American;
  • “High-quality health care” for all Americans.

I especially like the part about making air travel unnecessary. Why fly from New York to Los Angeles in six hours when you can hop on a train and be there in two days—after sinking hundreds of billions of dollars into high speed rail? Plus I’m sure those charging stations will come in really handy during those freezing winters when your electric ride share can’t go more than 30 miles without a recharge.

IDK, that GND sure looks DOA. Maybe AOC should go BTK before the rest of Congress is ROTFL.

Like Ron Popeil used to say on those late night commercials for spray on hair and the Pocket Fisherman, though, wait—there’s more. It seems that a certain Speaker of the House isn’t quite so enamored at the prospect of trashing the American economy to appease the climate change gods either. Politico got some Botox time with Nancy Pelosi, during which the subject the Green New Deal came up, and her response was just precious:

Progressives had demanded a special climate panel tasked specifically with drafting legislation to end the nation’s reliance on fossil fuels in just over a decade and transform the economy.

The California Democrat did agree to launch a select committee on climate change, similar to the one she created back in 2007, when she first became speaker. Pelosi said Wednesday, however, the panel would not be tasked with writing a specific bill, and brushed off the idea of the Green New Deal as a “suggestion.”

“It will be one of several or maybe many suggestions that we receive,” Pelosi said. “The green dream or whatever they call it, nobody knows what it is, but they’re for it right?”

I can only hope that was followed by a knee-slapping guffaw. Silly girl! Doesn’t she know that the Democrat establishment cares about climate change about as much as the Republican establishment cares about border control? That’s just a show we put on for the rubes, honey. Now go back and do your cute little socialist thing—the adults need to have a conversation now.

Hoo, boy! I wish I could be in the room when Cortez hears about this. I’m sure her reaction will be akin to the one she had at the State of the Union when Donald Trump talked about how great minority employment is doing these days. Green dream? Nobody knows what’s in it? I can already picture AOC shrieking, “What does she think is is, freekin’ Obamacare?

And here I thought this week couldn’t get any better than Virginia. Strap yourselves in kids, because things are about to get really good.

UPDATE: It just got even better.

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