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Satanists Think Mike Pence’s Religious Beliefs Are Scary. Really.

Satanic Temple founder Lucien Greaves spoke to The Daily Beast this week about Vice President Mike Pence. Pondering the VP’s evangelical Christian faith, Greaves confessed bluntly, “Mike Pence really scares me…”

Yes, the Satanist finds Christian beliefs to be way creepy (Alanis Morissette unavailable for comment).

Why exactly is the Dark Lord Pence so utterly terrifying? Well, obviously, it’s because (unlike the somewhat less pious POTUS) Pence “has a clear, theocratic vision for the United States”.


Nevermind the absolute dearth of evidence the Vice President harbors any such nefarious intentions. The more germane point here is that “theocracy”, loose neckbeard jargon notwithstanding, is not when a politician is religious, or even when that politician’s beliefs influence his/her decision-making. It’s a form of government in which (contra the First Amendment) a religion or Church actually has the power to enact law, particularly if or when religious practice is mandated for the populace–Saudi Arabia, for instance. Perhaps Mr. Greaves should watch more C-SPAN and less Handmaid’s Tale.

The Daily Beast article supports the Satanist leader’s claim (eye-roll for “journalism”) by noting Pence is “rabidly anti-gay, having previously supported conversion therapy”. Okay. Look, “rabidly anti-gay” is a stupid and prejudicial label, obviously. Pence is a conservative Christian. Would they describe him as “rabidly anti-adultery”, or “rabidly anti-polytheism”, or “rabidly anti-false-witness-bearing”? Course not. The targeting and hyperbole are reserved here (and everywhere else these days) particularly for our generation’s favored, alleged bigotry-du-jour. And the “conversion therapy” canard is tired, uncharitable, and misinformed. Despite the impression one might get from the thousands of “Mike-Pence-Electrocutes-Gays” memes across cyberspace, the whole nontroversy stems from a single policy statement his campaign had posted on their website nearly 20 years ago about funding for “people seeking to change their sexual behavior”. Moreover, in 2016, Politifact reported:

Pence’s spokesman Marc Lotter…told the New York Times, however, that it was ‘patently false’ that Mr. Pence ‘supported or advocated’ the practice of conversion therapy. Lotter added that Pence had been calling for federal funds to ‘be directed to groups that promoted safe sexual practices’ during his 2000 congressional campaign, and he said it was a ‘mischaracterization’ to interpret the statement as a reference to conversion therapy.

Womp, womp.

In all fairness to Satanists (I can’t believe I just typed that), there’s a caveat in order here. If this all seems oddly paradoxical, or perhaps if you’re just weirded out by the whole convo, it’s important to understand most so-called “Satanists” don’t believe in Satan. What? See, little known fact, most modern adherents to “Satanism” use it all as a metaphor for the philosophy of an autonomous life. Basically, they’re really just stereotypical progressives doing cosplay. Oh, make no mistake, there are plenty of occult practitioners out there; there have always been Wiccans, black magicians, and the like scattered in the shadows here and there. But Lucien and his band of posers aren’t that.

In the wise words of Wikipedia,

The Satanic Temple is a nontheistic religious and political activist group based in Salem, Massachusetts…The group uses Satanic imagery to promote egalitarianism, social justice, and the separation of church and state. Their stated mission is ‘to encourage benevolence and empathy among all people’.

[eyes are tiring from all the rolling]

See? Hippies. SJW’s. Clichés. Sad.

James 2:19 reminds us that Satanic minds indeed find the Truth “scary”, for, “Even the demons believe—and shudder…” But in this case, maybe the would-be “Satanists” have a more fundamental, pathetic beef with the Vice President: he actually has something he believes in.


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