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The Resurgent’s Football Recap: Questions That Demand Answers

Who on earth is behind this new Aquaman movie?

The college football regular season is almost over but serious questions still remain.

Can we just let the Falcons leave town and go set up shop wherever the Thrashers moved to and start all over? I know that Atlanta has had a lot of injuries but so have the Patriots. Every year the Patriots have a third string nose tackle playing defensive back and a dude who used to bag groceries at the Piggly Wiggly in Manchester, Georgia going out for passes and they do just fine. Why can’t the Falcons make it happen with an all-world quarterback and a receiver who they gave up 47 draft picks for?

What’s going on with quarterbacks from the University of Florida? I watched a lot of football over the Thanksgiving holiday and it seemed like every team had a quarterback who transferred from Gainesville. I’m still not sure if Joe Montana and Tom Brady didn’t start their college careers off at Florida? Meanwhile, the actual Gators haven’t had a quality quarterback since Tebow left. The Florida Gators lead the league in giving away their best talent to teams like West Virginia and I couldn’t be happier.

What must it feel like to be a fan of the head case teams? You know the head case teams, right? They’re the ones that do pretty good but always have that one team that they just can’t beat. I cheer for the Georgia Bulldogs and they used to be a head case team. Florida would always beat them. Finally, the Gators started giving away their good quarterbacks and Georgia turned the corner. Today’s head case teams are Michigan and Virginia.

The Wolverines seemed to have a good team this year while Ohio State was busy trying not to get beat by Maryland and the Dillon Panthers. By all accounts, this appeared to be Michigan’s year. But all accounts were wrong. Ohio State won 432 to 10.

It was almost just as bad for Virginia. They had their first good season since Herman Moore left town and were primed to finally beat a horrific Virginia Tech team. Tech fans could even be seen leaving the stadium early when it looked like their team was going down. But then the Cavaliers forgot how to tackle and catch. It was painful to watch but in a funny way—sort like a Hallmark Christmas movie.

At this point, there’s nothing left for Michigan and Virginia to do but send their teams to whatever town takes the Atlanta Falcons and start all over again. Even better, they could just ignore football and put all of their hopes in their basketball teams. Hey, it worked for Georgia Tech. For a little while.

Should Alabama get into the playoffs if they lose the SEC Championship game to Georgia? First, that’s a big if. Alabama is really, really good. But this isn’t an impossible scenario. Georgia can beat the Tide. If they do, the general consensus seems to be that Alabama should back their way into the playoffs again.

I disagree.

If Oklahoma wins their conference championship game, they should be ahead of Alabama. It’s one thing to lose a game early in the season but quite another to lose the last game of the season. If Oklahoma wins on Saturday, they will have avenged their only loss of the season. But what if Oklahoma looses and Ohio State wins? Ohio State plays Northwestern in their championship game Saturday on Fox Sports Short Wave Radio channel 43r9er and their victory is almost certain. Despite their poor excuse for a championship game, they’ll still get the nod ahead of Alabama. The committee will do everything they can to avoid a second SEC team sneaking into the playoffs after a late season loss.

But look on the bright side, Alabama fans. If the unthinkable happens and you lose to Georgia this Saturday, you can always fall back on your other favorite teams—the Patriots, Warriors, Red Sox, and whoever won the Stanley Cup last year.

What’s with all of the fighting? There was a fight at the end of North Carolina’s game against North Carolina State (Yes, those schools have football teams. No, I didn’t know that until this weekend.) There was a fight after LSU’s embarrassing loss to Texas A&M. There was a fight during the Egg Bowl. There was a fight during Buffalo’s matchup with Jacksonville. All of these fights had one thing in common. Though none of the participants were professionally trained fighters, every skirmish was easier to watch than Saturday night’s fight between Chuck Liddell and Tito Ortiz.

Why do teams in the Big10 always finish out the season playing each other for axe handles, old boots, and wooden buckets? Have the folks up north never heard of a trophy that looks sort of like a cup or even a championship belt?

Finally, who on earth is behind this new Aquaman movie? Look, I’m no superhero buff. When I was growing up, my superheroes were Deion Sanders, Herschel Walker, and Ric Flair. I’m far from an expert on this genre. I liked Black Panther and the latest Spiderman movie. I really liked the Christopher Nolan Batman trilogy. Beyond that, I just don’t care all that much. But when I saw the preview for this Aquaman movie, I immediately felt sorry for the guy who made it, the actors in it, and the people who end up going to see it. To the guy who’s behind this, please, I’m begging you, make a movie about the Wonder Twins next.

They could both be defensive backs for the Falcons and join forces to morph into an elephant carrying a bucket of water in order to finally stop the Falcons from embarrassing themselves on national television.

Either that or the Falcons could just leave town.

Until next week, happy footballing.

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