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Deadliest Shot In The Farmyard

Hide your cows! Hide your pigs! Jon Tester’s a-comin’!

So you folks might have heard that there’s a Senate race going on in Montana. It pits Democrat incumbent Jon Tester against Republican rancher and businessman Matt Rosendale. This race is important to Republican efforts to retain control of the US Senate. The race is tight — within the margin of error according to polling that is from before the Kavanaugh confirmation hearings.

You may also know that guns and the 2nd Amendment are kind of a big deal in Montana, where hunting is quite popular.

What you probably didn’t know is that Jon Tester was apparently a cattle rustler in his younger years, according to Tester’s Communications Director. Responding to Mr. Rosendale’s tweet that pointed out Tester’s “D” rating from the NRA, Sen. Tester’s campaign claimed that Sen. Tester used to make “a living shooting hundreds of cows and hogs.” This is evidence that Tester knows guns! Because shooting cows is a viable livelihood.

https://twitter.com/chrismeagher/status/1049792679477989376

(Here’s also a screenshot in case the tweet doesn’t come up for you.)

So either Jon Tester was a cattle rustler in another life, or maybe he used to be a sheep rancher and got into a brutal range war with the cattle barons.

I hear Tester even rode with Billy the Kid and fought in the Lincoln County War! He’s the fastest gun in Montana, I reckon.

NRA even responded with a photo of some of his prize trophies!

Our own Gabby Hoffman pointed out that Tester only gets his hunting license when he comes up for election. But that’s not really fair, since dairy cattle are only in season every six years.

https://twitter.com/Gabby_Hoffman/status/1049854412112441344

Besides, his gun is a lethal weapon, and it loves the taste of blood. If he hunted more often than every six years, there would be no bacon or New York strip steaks left in the grocery store. Sen. Tester is Public Enemy Number 1 in the barnyard!

Let me tell you, Jon Tester is one bad hombre, partner!

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