Sanofi S. A., maker of popular insomnia medication Ambien, was none too amused at Roseanne Barr’s attempt to blame her career-ending comments this week on “Ambien tweeting”. In response, the megacorporation tweeted the following:
While all pharmaceutical treatments have side effects, racism is not a known side effect of any Sanofi medication.
Unlike the sell-outs in the MSM, we here at The Resurgent are willing to dig a little deeper. For the people. And, I guess…the children, or whatever. While the drug-maker’s claim appears easily defensible on the surface, as with any prescription medication, always read the fine print:
- While Ambien is not known to directly cause racism, as with any sleep medication, patients are likely to become less woke.
- Some patients report increased color-blindness, though these claims appear exaggerated.
- More common side effects include racial-slurred speech, verbal diarrhea, and, occasionally, abrupt outward spasms of the right arm in a diagonal manner.
- Contact your pharmacist if after taking Ambien you notice your heart races or you hate races.
- In certain instances, Ambien test subjects have exhibited an increased reflex for use of phrases such as “my best friend is black”, “all lives matter”, and “I’m not racist, but … ”.
- Withdrawal symptoms may include mood swings and unusually microaggressive behavior.
- Extended use may also impair culturally-appropriate fashion sense, especially during prom season.
- In extreme cases, facial recognition skills may be significantly diminished, resulting in certain people groups all looking alike to the affected party.
- If unchecked privilege lasts for more than four hours while on Ambien, you should call your HR rep or the nearest millennial immediately.
- Recent studies are inconclusive as to whether any positive link exists between Ambien and homophobia, religious bigotry, misogyny, anti-Semitism, whataboutism, and/or veganism.
- Does not protect against ancestrally-transmitted grievances.
This small sampling of qualifications should suffice to give the lie to Ambien’s blanket claim that its product is non-bigot-forming. While the statement is technically accurate, we must judge the matter: