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Bank of America Will Save Us All From Gun Violence!

Bank of America will stop lending to manufacturers of military firearms. Go ahead and breathe that sigh of relief.

Deliverance is upon us.

While we were all seeking shelter from the war zone that is the United States, fearing for our lives while dodging bullets and praying for a relief from all of this unending gun violence, somebody at Bank of America decided to do what our politicians have failed to do: save our lives.

Thank you, Bank of America!

In an attempt to fix the violence that only, ever, in all of human history past and times present happens in the United States, Bank of America (henceforth referred to as BoA, because I require efficiency here) will stop lending money to some makers of military firearms. Some, mind you. Only the ones who are cool enough to kick it with the heroes at BoA will still get loans, I imagine.

I also imagine that this is in response to the surging demonization of the AR-15. Whether that stands for ArmaLite, or assault rifle that fires 15 rounds per second, it matters not. It’s a military style murder tool! Thanks to BoA, that murder tool will disappear forever! Finally, a bank that won’t lend money to those who support death of innocents.

Tonight, before you go to bed, say a prayer to God (or seek positive energy from the universe, if that’s your thing) giving thanks for the courage of BoA being willing to save us from the big, bad, and scary murder tool makers, NRA nutjobs, and especially, the United States of Gun.

Also, while giving thanks, request that they then be granted the courage to stand against knives.

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