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Cowards, Pimps and Enemies: A Trump Presidency

Let’s get past the presumptions. Donald Trump will take the GOP nomination, despite the remaining protestations of Cruz holdouts like in Washington state. In Cleveland, he will ascend to the platform like a god…yada yada yada.

In November, Hillary will have so wholly and utterly screwed up her campaign that Trump will win the presidency in a weird inversion-style victory. Let’s say he will take Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and Illinois, but lose Florida, okay? Just for presumption’s sake.

Now we’re into President Trump’s first 100 days in the Oval Office. Punctuated by tweetstorms, tepid congratulations by world powers, and a White House split into three working locations: Washington, New York and Mar a Lago, President Trump will establish his throne. At this point, everyone who supported Trump will be lining up for their reward.

And I will be laughing hysterically.

Reward? No. A Trump presidency will be marked with only three types of people from His Orangeness. Cowards, pimps and enemies.

The cowards are those who decided to support Trump against their own interests. Evangelical leaders like Dr. Robert Jeffress and Jerry Falwell, Jr. will be called upon for favor after favor to sell various ideas to their flocks. It’s like the prison guard who smuggles just a little bit of contraband for a prisoner. Just a letter, or one call on a cell phone. Then the next request is bigger: Maybe a Big Mac. No harm there. But he can’t say “no” because then the prisoner will take all the evidence against the guard and turn it in. So the next request is some drugs. And then the guard is owned.

Trump will own his cowards. They will do his bidding or suffer exposure in the worst way. Gifts given. Favors owed.

The pimps got on the Trump Train for no other reason than cashing in on the reward and hoping to buy some influence or direct the “malleable” man behind the Resolute Desk (there’s a fair chance Trump will put that in storage for something more personal to himself). Trump, unlike Reagan, will have no respect for the Office of the President. He will take it unto Himself and make it his instead of serving. Mark my words.

What will the pimps get? Nothing but more cash and favor calls, with an empty promise of some nonexistent reward in the future. The people who will have real power and access will be the ones most loyal–personally loyal–to the Orange Throne. That will include Trump’s children, possibly some of his campaign people, but probably not. In an aside, I’ll hate to be Corey Lewandowski on January 21, 2017. He will be the singularly least employable skinny white man in America on that day.

People who know Trump and have worked with him in the business world will get the plum West Wing adviser and staff slots, and he’ll stick with tested bureaucrats for cabinet positions. Far from reforming the civil service, Trump will embrace it with a sloppy wet kiss and a bear hug. Rewards will flow from the White House for civil servants who do things Trump likes, and everyone else will get what’s coming to them. Especially the pimps.

That may be the only good thing in a Trump presidency. The K Street pimps will be themselves pimped. The will become cheap, perfumed whores only good for one night stands. The real power, influence and access will come through those personally loyal to Trump or trusted by him in business. And they will have one priority: protecting the Orange Throne.

The other possibly good thing in a Trump presidency will be the elevation of the military to Adonis-status. They’ll all be gods and goddesses. Trump will appear at every possible military function. Hell, if it wasn’t absolutely verboten by tradition and legal precedent, I believe Trump would wear a uniform at some occasions. After all, he was nearly in the military, when he was a high school JROTC cadet. There’s a–you know–kinship there. Right?

But for those generals who oppose Trump–or anyone who opposes Trump–beware the enemies list. President Trump will cultivate an enemies list like Green Giant plants peas: Lovingly, efficiently, with care and precision. A huge field of peas, erm, enemies. Cross him, and you immediately find yourself planted in it. And for those who find themselves there, having been previously in the coward or pimp lane, it will suck.

Trump will classify his enemies with endless taxonomies, constantly keeping track of who is dangerous, who is to be bribed, and who can be exploited. He’ll assign nicknames to the most notable among them. We’ll think “Lyin’ Ted” and “Crooked Hillary” are quaint pet names compared to what he’ll do with his true enemies as president. And if we think that President Obama’s use of lawfare, the power of the administrative state, and his pen and phone are terrifying, we ain’t seen nothing yet when Trump is president.

President Trump will crush all resistance with the iron fist of a third world dictator, and he’ll start with any of the previously-mentioned cowards or pimps who dare to stand up to him. Trump has read “The Art of War.”

There will be a special class of enemies I’ll call The Resistance (credit to Josh Hammer). This group will consist of everyone who didn’t hop on the Trump Train and remained #NeverTrump from the beginning. The Resistance will be vilified as necessary, but mostly ignored and isolated. Press credentials will be pulled. Jobs will evaporate. Business contacts will recoil in fear. Trump will use every executive power of the United States to isolate and destroy The Resistance.

We will think that Obama’s “Choke Point” was a half of a half measure, and that Lois Lerner’s IRS misdeeds were mere traffic infractions compared to the godlike powers Trump will deploy. It will truly be government at the point of a gun barrel–and I am being very literal. Some leaders in The Resistance will end up in jail–again, literal jail.

All night has an end, and darkness yields to light, as Drew Ryun so eloquently described here. We in The Resistance must prepare for the coming night. We can draw some comfort as we watch the cowards, the pimps, and the enemies get exactly what’s coming to them. No, not Schadenfreude, not pleasure from their suffering, but from the words of someone who lived through it–Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

If we look more closely, we see that any violent display of power, whether political or religious, produces an outburst of folly in a large part of mankind; indeed, this seems actually to be a psychological and sociological law: the power of some needs the folly of others. It is not that certain human capacities, intellectual capacities for instance, become stunted or destroyed, but rather that the upsurge of power makes such an overwhelming impression that men are deprived of their independent judgment, and…give up trying to assess the new state of affairs for themselves.

America, get ready, because the king we have called for will come, and we will get everything that’s coming to us. Good and hard.


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