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Senator Sasse Uses a Potato Phone

By  |  January 21, 2017, 04:00am  |  @lubbockelitist

Anxiety and anticipation is heavy in the air these days. Yesterday, for better or worse, our country and the world was forever changed when Donald Trump was sworn in as the 45th President of the United States. There is much to be anxious about.

But on this historic weekend, there is a more pressing concern for those of us still clinging to a hope for a more conservative America. One of our leaders, one of the more entertaining and enlightening figures that has given a voice to smaller government ideas, is struggling just to get by. He’s probably too proud to admit it, but the evidence is overwhelming.

I am, of course, referring to noted Uber driver and Senator from Nebraska, Ben Sasse. The Cornhusker State’s junior Senator seems to be unable to afford an acceptable smart phone, a tool often used by our citizenry to document history with pictures posted to social media. Yes, the evidence overwhelmingly suggests that Senator Sasse uses a potato to snap pictures and post them to Twitter.

Observe:

Are those Christmas lights?

This appears to be Chris Christie sitting in Santa’s tiny sleigh.

Here, we see the love of life in Lindsey Graham’s eyes.

And finally, from New Year’s Eve, Senator Sasse tweeted a picture taken from his potato phone of a scene from either a busy Nashville street, or from somewhere under the sea on a road to Atlantis.

So, my friends, the situation is obviously dire. Senator Sasse needs our help. Until he secures an adequate phone, capable of taking even the most perfunctory of pictures, we have to ask ourselves: if we can’t discern historical events because they were taken by a Senator with a potato phone, did those events ever really happen?