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Ossoff’s Opening Box Office Disappoints

By  |  April 19, 2017, 12:07pm  |  @MarcGiller

I’m beginning to think that Jon Ossoff thinks he’s in a movie.

In a way, it makes sense.  With his puppy dog eyes and those suits that are about half a size too big for his lanky frame, he reminds me of a Can’t Buy Me Love-era Patrick Dempsey trying to figure his way out of some crazy scheme that was never supposed to get this far, but now that it has he’s just decided to go with it.  Then there’s the big budget–$8 million and counting so far–and even though the production was supposed to wrap by last night, all the campiagn has to show for it is a couple of commercial spots and a Star Wars blooper reel.  On top of all that, Ossoff’s day job has him making documentary films.  Is it any wonder that’s he’s playing the GA6 congressional race the way he is?

Still, he might want to consider hiring a new writer to polish the script.  After coming up short of the 50% he needed to win the race outright, Ossoff gave a speech to his supporters in which he gave the usual rah-rah boilerplate–but then he poured gasoline all over the wooden dialogue and set it ablaze with the following:

Let me tell you this.  There is no doubt that this is already a victory for the ages. That no matter what the outcome is tonight, whether we take it all, or whether we fight on, we have defied the odds, we have shattered expectations.

“A victory for the ages”?  Sounds to me like someone watched the Battle of the Black Gate from The Lord of the Rings while waiting for the returns to come in.  And that bit about shattering expectations?  With the new book about Hillary’s doomed campaign hitting the shelves the same day, I’d be careful about using that word, bruh.

But then Ossoff hits us with this:

We are changing the world, and your voices are gonna ring out across this state and across this country. We will be ready to fight on and win in June, if it is necessary.

If. . .if it’s necessary?  How exactly would it not be necessary, assuming he wants to see this campaign through until the end?  Or maybe Ossoff just meant it in the Churcillian sense.  You know:  “We shall fight on the beaches, if necessary.  We shall fight on the landing grounds, if necessary. And, if necessary, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets.  We shall never surrender–unless it’s necessary.”

Is that all you get for $8 mil?  It sounds like the guys from Designated Survivor wrote the speech.

Then again, this is Hollywood politics we’re talking about, so it wouldn’t be the first time good money got thrown after bad.  As for how things will turn out for the runoff election in June…  Well, before the Democrats get their hopes up, they should keep in mind the cardinal rule of this dirty business.

The sequel is almost never as good as the original.